There is a story that goes around the Jewish Theological Seminary, where I studied to be a Rabbi, about one of the former
chancellors. He did a preliminary interview with all of the people applying to rabbinical school. They would walk into his office and
sit down from him across his large desk. His first question would be, what is the date? And of course he meant the Hebrew date, not
the English date. If you did not get it right then the interview was over. Because he so firmly believed that as a Jew, and how much
the more so as a rabbi, that one must live according to the rhythm of the Jewish calendar. When it is Yom Kippur you must feel
solemn, on Sukkot-joyful, on Purim-silly, and on Tisha Be’Av-sad. This week we ride the emotional rollercoaster because the week is
bookended by two completely contrasting holidays, Tisha Be’Av and Tu Be’Av. Tisha Be’Av as we all know memorializes the
destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and many other Jewish tragedies and is the saddest day of the Jewish year. Tu Be’Av is a
lesser known holiday, but equally ancient. The first we hear about it is in the Mishnah, so about 2,000 years ago, where Rabban
Shimon ben Gamliel said, "There were no happier days for the people of Israel than Tu Be’Av and Yom Kippur, since on these
days the daughters of Israel/Jerusalem go out dressed in white and dance in the vineyards. What were they saying: Young man,
consider whom you choose (to be your wife)…".
Tu Be’Av was a day for love and matchmaking. There are no rituals associated with it, but it was nonetheless part of the
holiday cycle. For the weeks leading up to Tisha Be’Av we have been acting sad and refraining from joyful activities. On Tisha
Be’Av we fast and mourn, and then six days later we are supposed to be ready to fall in love. Quite the emotional rollercoaster.
Tu Be’Av is really a holiday to express amorous love between spouses, but instead I want to speak about how we show
our love to our parents and our children. This is covenantal love, which is different than amorous love which we feel towards our
spouses or significant others. And we learn this directly from our parsha. In our parsha, Ve’Etchanan, we read the Shma and the
Ve’Ahavta, which is all about love, we are supposed to love God, “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your might.” When we put this passage in the prayerbook we balanced it beforehand with prayers
about God loving us, in the morning Ahavah Rabbah, in the evening with Ahavat Olam, which we are about to say.
We often refer to God as a parent, Avinu Shebashamayim, our Father in heaven. So if we look at how God shows love to us
and how we are supposed to show love to God then we will know how to express our love to our parents and our children.
So let’s look at the prayers Ahavah Rabbah and Ahavat Olam. God loves us and shows his love by
teaching us His Torah, the way to live, Chukei Chayim. And those strict laws are balanced by his compassion and mercy. That is how
God shows His love for us, by teaching us how to live, and being compassionate because God knows that we will mess up. And that
is how we show love to our children, by teaching them how to live and act and behave, and being merciful and compassionate when
they make mistakes. Children would like us to leave them alone, let them do what they want, but if we did, then it would only show
our disregard for them. Children may get frustrated with us for setting boundaries, but boundaries are signs of love.
And how do we act as children, because we all have parents or had parents at one time. And our children are watching us to
see how we treat our parents to learn how to treat us. So we look to the Ve’Ahavata . So the first and obvious
thing is that we follow our parent’s instructions. A child shows love by listening and obeying their parents. But there is one more
critical step, the parent must then pass on that teaching to their own children, VeShinantam Levanecha. That is the complete
expression of love to one’s parents, teaching what they taught to you to your own kids. What better way to show love to your
parents than by passing on their wisdom. In all moments, Beshivtecha Beveitecha Uvlechtecha Vaderech . . .
So if you don’t already have plans with your spouse or boy/girlfriend or significant other on Tu Be’Av, which is Sunday night
and Monday next week, then think about spending some extra time with your parents or your kids and think about how your express
covenantal love to them. Ask your parents to tell you stories about the significant moments in their lives and what they learned from
them, or tell your children stories about your parents and how they taught you important lessons that you still use today.
